“Taking all that Ecstasy has really thrown off my SxSW schedule.”
“My kids keep watching my “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse” videos and I think they think they understand it more than I do.”
“Someone beat me to “ScarsdaleLactoOvoVegetarian.com”.”
“The neologism I came up with to describe the person I am romantically involved with but not married to isn’t catching on.”
“The percentage of things in my kitchen that could be described as ‘artisanal’ is far too low.”
“I’m very worried about how the tsunami will affect the delivery of my monthly supply of manga.”
“I’m getting mixed signals from my beer commercials about the appropriate way to express my heterosexuality.”
“Now that collecting vinyl is hot again, I need to find a new outdated physical media type to get obsessive about.”
“It’s not that I want there to be an aristocracy in America. It’s just that I think I’d be really good at being an aristocrat.”
“My favorite Saturday morning cartoon from the 1980s still hasn’t been optioned for a multi-million-dollar big-screen remake!”
“We went to a really expensive Italian place last night and I wasted fifteen bucks, because my kids won’t eat pasta that isn’t shaped like something.”
“I hope the check from the Scaife Foundation for that anti-union, anti-government aid editorial I wrote gets here this week, or I won’t be able to make my rent.”
