“I’m not driving to LA anymore because you have to smell cows on the way down.”
(submitted by brindztherapy)
First World Problems i
“I don’t pirate movies out of some sorry sense of entitlement. I pirate movies because at the present moment I know of no other means of watching a high-definition copy of an older film without buying it outright.”
(not submitted by Mike D’Angelo, but dude, come the fuck on)
“My Porsche is too old to be new, and not old enough to be classic.”
(submitted by Paul Holland)
“I’m concerned about what will happen when my sense of white entitlement begins to outweigh my sense of male entitlement.”
“My sister hit me with her wallet and it bruised because it was so heavy.”
(submitted by Tom Wheeler)
“I hate when my iPad and iPhone tell me they’re low on batteries because the angry red alert makes me feel like I’ve failed them.”
(submitted by fearlessjones)
“My Harley isn’t fooling anybody.”
“I want to get a soda, but my mini-fridge is shorter than my indoor hammock.”
(Submitted by Tia)
“I need to go to the supermarket but the Viagra hasn’t worn off yet.”
(submitted by Dean McCallion)
“My girlfriend wanted me to give her expensive chocolates for Valentine’s Day. I wanted her to give me a girlfriend that wasn’t fat. It was a real Gift of the Magi scenario.”
“I don’t think all the people in the factory I own in El Salvador realize how great an opportunity to better themselves I’m offering them.”
“My back hurts from carrying my $2000 laptop around.”
(submitted by xxleprecaunxx)
