“I think my old lady has been stepping out on my with the Hitachi Magic Wand.”
“I keep getting confused about what wave of feminist I am.”
“There aren’t enough vegetarian options in my company’s season-ticket skybox.”
“I have to drive halfway across town to get Vietnamese Pot-Bellied Pig Chow.”
“All my affectations seem old hat. Including wearing this old hat.”
“My pub trivia team keeps doing poorly because everyone but me is drinking.”
“There isn’t a documentary about my favorite obscure ’90s indie band yet.”
“I’m afraid my attempt to make glassblowing as hip as knitting is doomed to failure.”
“I like doing the L.A. Times crossword more than the N.Y. Times one, but it’s on the west coast, so I have to stay up until almost 2AM to finish it.”
“It seems like a shame to get a job just when baseball season is starting.”
“My Hulu is incompatible with my Roku.”
“Once again, my April Fool’s jokes run contrary to the company’s sexual harassment policy.”
