“My Tumblr reached 100 entries and it turns out there’s no cash prize.”
“I think my alcoholism is beginning to cross over from charming to sloppy.”
“I was up until 3 A.M. having a heated Wikipedia Talk Page debate over the difference between a model and a supermodel.”
“I want a Hulkbusters-themed wedding cake. My wife wants a Dance in the Vampire Bund-themed wedding cake. Now I don’t know if I even WANT to get married.”
“When I watch European football matches on my premium cable, I can’t simultaneously speak with my old law school roommate living in London, because there is an inexplicable 5-second delay of the broadcast on my end, and his early outbursts of excitement really ruin the whole thing for me.”
(submitted by georgegomezmuller)
“Being a devotee of arbitrary futility, I was a big Red Sox fan for years. Now that they’ve won a couple of World Series, I’m not sure what to do. I suppose I could switch to the Cubs, but, well…”
“My office’s UV-filter water fountain gets so cold I get tooth-freeze when I drink it too quickly.”
(submitted by georgegomezmuller)
“I’d hate for people to think I buy my t-shirts at Goodwill because I’m poor, instead of as a fashion statement.”
“My retirement portfolio is strongly vested in zombie-apocalypse-related stocks.”
“I am paralyzed with indecision about which iPhone flashlight application to use.”
“It’s really a hassle trying to remember the passwords to all five of my bank accounts.”
“I’ve bought seven really expensive electronic devices this year, and I can only get Netflix streaming on five of them.”