“My web browsing has been delayed by several seconds today! Lousy terrorists.”
“Even I’m bored with my picture-a-day photoblog. But can I disappoint my nearly two dozen fans?”
“I need some motion sickness medicine, but I’m embarrassed to tell my doctor it’s from playing Gran Turismo.”
“Now that Canada has become more conservative, I don’t know what country to threaten to move to when elections don’t go my way.”
“I don’t think I’m ready to have that first conversation with my kid about fonts.”
“Climate change is really playing hell with my utility bills.”
“It’s remarkably difficult to find a Hallmark card that conveys the sentiment ‘Sorry your husband died in a huge terrorist attack but congratulations on your country finally killing the guy who dreamed it up’.”
“I paid all this money for a vintage fainting couch, and nobody’s fainted at my house since. Maybe I should drug their food.”
“Now that the Royal Wedding is over, what am I going to do at 4AM to make myself feel superior?”
“I’m afraid that the fact that I react more strongly to TV sitcom plots than I do to the death of my relatives might get me my own page in the MMPI.”
“I can’t decide which as-yet-unreleased video game console to buy.”
“My Tumblr reached 100 entries and it turns out there’s no cash prize.”
