“I spent six days coming up with the perfect name for my pet bird. I wish my friends would quit telling my how it’s pointless to name a bird.”
“None of the leading free social networking sites are exactly to my taste. Don’t tell me I don’t know what the Holocaust was like.”
“Since everything I eat and drink will kill me, I’ve defined “healthy living” down to “choosing in advance what disease I want to die from”.”
“I’m supposed to identify with the Greek girl in “Common People”, right?”
“I missed the Thursday night comedies last night, and had to wait until this morning to catch them on Hulu.”
“I’m ranking my vacation possibilities based on how small the chances are that I will have to learn any words in a foreign language.”
“Well, with “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” abolished, I now have no interest in the military whatsoever.”
“Sometimes I wish American culture was as insane as Japanese culture.”
“Hmmm. Which $40 t-shirt will most convey my contempt for consumer culture, American Apparel or Urban Outfitters?”
“The number of things I’ve seen on the internet that I wish I could unsee has gotten so large that I’m beginning to forget them. So, I win, I guess.”
“I went to the store to buy some gourmand ingredients for my dinner party, but all they had were gourmet ingredients.”
“I taught myself to hula dance and it turns out I was spelling nothing but obscenities.”
