March 2012
27 posts
I walked into the kitchen to my boyfriend having a very troubled expression...
– (submitted by Monica)
February 2012
27 posts
I shop at Wal-Mart because I’m broke, but I want to dress hip so the other...
I can’t think of anything new to steampunk.
– (submitted by calamityjon)
I don’t know how much longer I can keep up the charade that I like...
I was buying soda on the internet, but I didn’t buy enough to qualify for...
I’m not driving to LA anymore because you have to smell cows on the way...
– (submitted by brindztherapy)
I don’t pirate movies out of some sorry sense of entitlement. I pirate...
– (not submitted by Mike D’Angelo, but dude, come the fuck on)
My Porsche is too old to be new, and not old enough to be classic.
– (submitted by Paul Holland)
I’m concerned about what will happen when my sense of white entitlement...
My sister hit me with her wallet and it bruised because it was so heavy.
– (submitted by Tom Wheeler)
I hate when my iPad and iPhone tell me they’re low on batteries because...
– (submitted by fearlessjones)
My Harley isn’t fooling anybody.
I want to get a soda, but my mini-fridge is shorter than my indoor hammock.
– (Submitted by Tia)
I need to go to the supermarket but the Viagra hasn’t worn off yet.
– (submitted by Dean McCallion)
My girlfriend wanted me to give her expensive chocolates for Valentine’s...
I don’t think all the people in the factory I own in El Salvador realize...
My back hurts from carrying my $2000 laptop around.
– (submitted by xxleprecaunxx)
It took forever to get DirecTV to work on our friend’s 130’ sailing yacht over...
– (submitted by ddub90-deactivated20120210)
It’s very difficult to choose which foreign soccer teams to root for,...
During dinner, we were trying to split the bill fairly. Sadly, none of us had...
– (submitted by heyitslouise)
The amount of television I watch is incompatible with my feng shui.
The only thing that really motivates me is the desire to be one of the people...
Driving away from the Taco Bell drive-thru, I reached down to the center cup...
– (submitted by Julio Estavas)
My roommate has a different song that plays for every different person who texts...
– (submitted by sillylilygirl)
My stupid kid wants to play with my Star Wars action figures. Doesn’t he...
I have spent more time considering what would be the coolest song to play at my...
My textbook is running out of batteries.
– (submitted by Justin)
I just had to switch bathrooms because this one had no reception.
– (submitted by mewisms) 
