February 2011
48 posts
I kept agonizing over whether to call last night’s get-together an...
I’m having trouble finding a girl who fetishizes my ethnic group.
Every Thanksgiving, I spend hours lecturing my family about the virtues of a raw...
I live in a gentrifying part of my city and the grocery store nearest my house...
– (submitted by skywesterncrooked)
Just because of the happenstance of birth that gave me my race, gender,...
I was masturbating over a celebrity the other day and I wasn’t sure which...
Six kids, and not one of them gay!
Okay, I know it’s in English, but seriously, no subtitle option on this...
I had a brilliant idea for a fake Twitter account of a local celebrity months...
– (submitted by skywesterncrooked)
I took some ibuprofen today, and I felt like I was cheating on my traditional...
I worry the Japanese have outpaced us in potato chip flavoring technology.
You know, sometimes I think Facebook is nothing more than a sophisticated,...
Fucking Detroit. Why couldn’t MY city have a popular ’80s sci-fi...
It’s getting to the point where hot cultural trends are taking place...
As we stood outside in the cold, watching the flames incinerate our house and...
– (submitted by Hayden Childs)
I found a dog that’s just the right size for my car, but it’s...
How did I not know there was a new Sade album out?
– (submitted by fuckyeahsalmon)
I’m having trouble thinking of good cross-promotional strategies for my...
My TiVo keeps cutting off the Moment of Zen.
– (submitted by fuckyeahsalmon)
I couldn’t find a single Esperanza Spalding album on any of the Rapidshare...
Why is there no way to preserve my Grammy livetweets? Because that shit was...
I had to pay a whole two dollars to get cash out of an ATM in Tokyo.
There are so many celebrities pregnant right now, I just know that by the time I...
I wanted to use my phone to post to Twitter about the guy at the movie theater...
I yelled at a waiter the other night because I thought he was trying to pass...
That snotty barista had the nerve to call me an eco-hipster! Why does he think I...
That traffic light is broken! I was stuck there for a full three minutes...
– (submitted by Hayden Childs)
The supermarket closest to my house stopped stocking Dr Bronner’s Magic Soap.
– (submitted by Austin Swinburn)
It was 20 degrees this morning. I could find only one of my cashmere-lined...
– (submitted by Fayrene Smith)
I’m trying to be politically correct. But, you know, not too politically...
I am highly disappointed with the dearth of quality featurettes on the Criterion...
– (submitted by Hayden Childs)
The water pressure in my high-arc, dual-setting, chrome kitchen sink faucet with...
– (submitted by Kumari Studebaker)
All these corporate mergers make it hard to keep track of whom I’m...
– (submitted by thornamongroses)
I posted about how little I cared about the Super Bowl to my Twitter, my...
Something something something iPhone.
White chocolate chip cookies? You’ve got to be shitting me.
– (submitted by Austin Swinburn)
I’ve waited so long to do laundry, the only clean shirt I have left is one...
Khaki and camos are both in this year, but I don’t want to come across as...
There is literally no reason in the world why they haven’t released this...
– (submitted by Hayden Childs)
This album came out in Japan, like, six months ago, but no one has released it...
– (submitted by Hayden Childs)
My high school physics class did not adequately prepare me to beat Angry Birds.
– (submitted by fuckyeahsalmon)
I’m trying to drive less, but our public transit system has terrible wi-fi...
I learned a few basic commands in Russian so I could communicate with our maid,...
Our CSA produce box shipped a week late, with no apples, and the asparagus was...
I can’t decide whether I should use porn as a springboard into reality TV, or...
No one at the party seemed very impressed when I said I’d read J.K....
I’m not sure how ironic my Super Bowl party should be.
The first day it snows, and the seat warmers in my Lexus go out on me.
